Today I have Adam from Fodder 4 Fathers in the interview chair. Adam was the first daddy blogger that I connected with when I started blogging. I follow his Facebook page daily and absolutely love keeping up with his kiddos’ crazy antics. Adam has been a great support, and I’m so happy to share his, ummmm, let’s just call them “interesting” responses to my weirdo questions.

Adam is the founder of Fodder 4 Fathers.com. With his message of parental equality, Adam champions the involved dad, spreading his message of hope to thousands of mothers and fathers daily on both his Facebook page and website. Armed with just the simple idea that moms and dads could talk as equals when it comes to parenting, he has quickly created one of the most respected parenting communities on the Internet. A proud Canadian, born and raised in Toronto, Ontario, Adam shares his life (and the workload) with his working wife, Jessica, and their two small children, affectionately known by their fans as “DD” and the “Lil F’er.” (Don’t worry, that stands for “Little Fodderer!)

And here’s what he said:

For more from Adam, please check out his website and his Facebook page. Thanks so much, Adam!

The idea for my “That’s What She (or He) Said” Interview series was born one evening when I was extremely tired and had a(nother) slight case of writer’s block. I really wanted to publish something, but even though I had 6 or 7 posts in the works, nothing was quite ready to publish. And I didn’t want to publish something half-assed just for the sake of publishing. So I decided it’d be fun to start doing some interviews. The point of these interviews is to introduce you to some of the talented writers whom I’ve had the pleasure of meeting these past few months. (And by “meeting,” of course I mean virtually.) But I don’t want any humdrum interviews, so the questions I ask are completely whacky and off the wall. Some of the questions I’ve found online, and some I’ve made up. I hope you enjoy them! To see the other interviews in the series, please click here. 

When I came up with this interview series with these completely off-the-wall questions, there was one fabulous, completely off-the-wall blogger whom I thought would be brilliant to interview. A perfect fit, if you will. And that blogger, my friends, was Patti from Insane in the Mom-Brain. If you know Patti, you know exactly why. And if you don’t, please read on to find out! (And I dare you not to love her as much as I do!)

Patti is a wife, mom, blogger, cook, cat box scooper, and dirty underwear picker upper. In her spare time she runs a Girl Scout Fight Club, a charity called Handies for Hobos, and a unicorn ranch called The Ranchicorn. When she’s all hopped up on too much coffee, she performs musicals for her cat and practices her Karate Kid Crane Kick. Someday she hopes to own a miniature donkey that she can dress up like a dandy English gentleman. She will call this donkey Lord Dudesbury Donkelson III. She is currently working on a book of completely ridiculous essays that, due to focus issues, she may or may not ever finish.

And here’s what she said . . .

1. How many beach balls would it take to fill a 747?

Ummm…I’m not sure if you’re aware of this or not, but this? This is math. Not only is it math, it’s word problem math. And if there’s anything that sucks more than math it’s math with words in it. Flashback to 7th grade: Ya know all those damn questions about Timmy wanting to take a train to Whofuckingcares, North Dakota? And he’s all “But I’d kinda like to ride my motorcycle. I wonder which way is faster?” But wait! Timmy has to bring his dog and 37 apples for some idiotic reason, and if he puts all that shit on his motorcycle it’s gonna slow him down. BUT the train conductor is allergic to dogs and he’s super freaky religious and hates apples because of that whole Adam and Eve situation. Plus, Timmy has to be in Whofuckingcares by 8 pm and now it’s already 6 pm because time freaking flies when you mix words with math and yammer on and on and on instead of just getting on a plane already. NOBODY TAKES TRAINS ANYMORE, TIMMY! AND YOU ARE TOO BIG OF A PUSSY TO HAVE A MOTORCYCLE!

2. A penguin walks through that door right now wearing a sombrero. What does he say and why is he here?

He says “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” And I say “Dude, I LOVE that movie! High five!” Then I stick out my hand for a high five and I’m totally left hangin’ cuz duh, he’s a penguin, and penguins have those little flipper things plus they’re super short and I don’t know if you knew this or not, but they aren’t very awesome at giving high fives.

3. If my family and I came to your house for dinner, what would you prepare for us?

Turkey because it has tryptophan in it which will make you fall asleep. And after you fall asleep we will go through your pockets and purses and take tall of your things and then pose you in odd positions with my Flat Bieber and Zombie babies and take photos to blackmail you with.

4. What is the angle of two clock pointers when the time is 11:50?

What is it with you and the mathy stuff? I got news for you: I’m not calculating angles up in here. In Patti Maths the angle is equivalent to a baby bird’s beak when it’s open and waiting for it’s mommy to drop a worm in.

5. Pick two celebrities to be your parents.

Samuel L. Jackson and Betty White. Not only would I be an amazing caramel color, but I’d also be the funniest, sassiest, badass in the neighborhood. The added bonus would be the looks on people’s faces when I told them that I was the love child of Samuel L. Jackson and Betty White.

6. If you could add another eye color to appear in nature, what color would you choose?

Rainbow swirl with sprinkles.

7. How would you direct someone else on how to cook an omelet?

Google omelet. Then Google “How am I such a dumb ass that I don’t know how to make an omelet.” Then get in the kitchen and make me a damn omelet.

8. Why is a manhole cover round?

Because manholes are round. How stupid would it be to make a square manhole cover when manHOLES are round? God.

9. Zombies vs. Ninjas? Who wins?

I’ll tell ya who wins: Whoever is lucky enough to get to watch the hell outta that. THAT’S who wins.

10. If you had to tell someone off but couldn’t speak, what would you do?

Interpretive dance. And possibly a swift kick to the underballs.

For more from Patti, please check out her blog, Insane in the Mom-Brain, and her Facebook and Pinterest pages. Thanks so much, Patti!!!!

The idea for my “That’s What She (or He) Said” Interview series was born one evening when I was extremely tired and had a(nother) slight case of writer’s block. I really wanted to publish something, but even though I had 6 or 7 posts in the works, nothing was quite ready to publish. And I didn’t want to publish something half-assed just for the sake of publishing. So I decided it’d be fun to start doing some interviews. The point of these interviews is to introduce you to some of the talented writers whom I’ve had the pleasure of meeting these past few months. (And by “meeting,” of course I mean virtually.) But I don’t want any humdrum interviews, so the questions I ask are completely whacky and off the wall. Some of the questions I’ve found online, and some I’ve made up. I hope you enjoy them! To see the other interviews in the series, please click here. 

That’s right, we have our first male interviewee this week! I found Dave from Amateur Idiot / Professional Dad through Facebook where he had left a comment on my page. His name alone had me want to immediately stalk him, and I’ve been a fan ever since.

Dave is a former attorney who much prefers his job as a stay at home dad to two hilarious and adorable children. He is lucky to have an awesome wife who indulges and supports his obsessions, which currently include running Spartan Races and writing his blog.

And here’s what he said . . .

1. A penguin walks through that door right now wearing a sombrero. What does he say and why is he here?

He’d ask for a cerveza. Ice. Friggin. Cold. Because, you know, he just kind of wants to hang. And, sombrero-clad penguins know better than anyone that nothing breaks the ice better than a frosty beer.

2. If my family and I came to your house for dinner, what would you prepare for us?

Before we get to dinner, let me admit that my wife, Allie, and I would have some major cleaning to do. As a stay at home dad, I know that part of my job is keeping the house. Unfortunately, I am the world’s worst house keeper. So, it’d probably be a mad dash to make the house look presentable. As for food, first we’d make sure you ate meat. I’m not sure why, but I seem to have a tendency to befriend vegetarians. If it wasn’t a problem, we’d cook you and your family some kinda meat and probably mac & cheese to make sure the kids ate something. Dinner wouldn’t matter nearly as much as desert. Allie is an awesome baker. If we really liked (or were trying to impress) you, she’d make her chocolate blackout cake, which is a rich chocolate cake with layers of an even richer homemade chocolate pudding. It’s awesome.

3. Pick two celebrities to be your parents.

My celebrity parents would be George Takei and Harrison Ford. I love George Takei’s Howard Stern appearances. I’m not sure if he knows exactly why he’s funny, but he rolls with it and he’s hilarious! I think if he were my dad, I could kind of get away with a lot of stuff. But we’d also have a lot of fun together. Plus, if I complained about something in my life he could talk about growing up in a Japanese internment camp and shut me the hell up. Harrison Ford seems like a bit of a prick, but he was Hans Solo and Indiana Jones. And that is just cool!

4. Fred Flintstone vs. George Jetson. Who wins?

I assume this is in hand-to-hand combat. Fred Flintstone wins hands down. He’s a little out of shape, but he works with his hands and eats a lot of protein. George Jetson gets some exercise on the treadmill with Astro, but I’m pretty sure that’s about it. Plus, he’s used to the zero gravity of space. This fight is obviously taking place on earth (how would a caveman even get to outer space?), where George Jetson’s body will feel so comparatively heavy he’ll barely be able to lift his arms to defend himself.

5. For what would you be named the “World’s Best Inventor?”

The perfect playground. I’m not talking anything crazy here, just some common sense improvements. First of all, one entrance/exit. Why do I need to patrol 10 different means of escape at every playground we go to? Second, slides that don’t heat up to like 1000 degrees in the sun. Same with the ground. When there’s a water feature at the playground (and there should definitely be a water feature at the playground), the kids like to run around barefoot. They shouldn’t have to risk getting third degree burns on their little tootsies. Third, shady areas. Mostly for the parents. Fourth, clean bathrooms with changing tables. Fifth, lots of stuff to climb on. Climbing is awesome! Sixth, no sand box. Those things are disgusting; I can’t not picture stray animals using them as litter boxes at night. And good luck convincing your toddler he shouldn’t eat the sand! There’s probably some other stuff I’ll think of next time I’m at the playground, but that’ll do for now.

6. What shape best describes your personality?

An oval. I’m not a perfect circle and I’m good with that. I’m actually kind of a messed up oval, with nicks and gaps. I’m trying to be a better oval.

7. If your job was to simply count objects all day long, what would you be counting?

Boobs. Sorry. I’m a guy. I couldn’t think of anything else I’d like to count all day long.

8. Which animal would you want to trade places with for a day? Why?

A monkey. It’d be fun to climb and swing all day. Plus, I could fling poop at people who ticked me off.

9. When you’re 80, would you rather have yourself as a toddler or yourself as a tween as your roommate?

As a toddler. I whined less when I was a baby than when I was tween.

10. Would you rather smell the most offensive smell or hear the most offensive sound every single day for the rest of your life?

At first I thought this was an odd question to end on, but I realized that as a parent I’m an expert on offensive smells and (at least really annoying) sounds. I’m going to pick the smell. For me, the smell sucks but you deal with it and it goes away. The sound can ring in your ears hours later and give you a headache that lasts all day. If my kids were able to read this, I guess the message is: “I’ll deal with your shit, but please give daddy some peace and quiet for five friggin minutes!”

For more from Dave, please check out his blog, Amateur Idiot / Professional Dad, and his Facebook and Twitter pages. Thanks, Dave!

The idea for my “That’s What She (or He) Said” Interview series was born one evening when I was extremely tired and had a(nother) slight case of writer’s block. I really wanted to publish something, but even though I had 6 or 7 posts in the works, nothing was quite ready to publish. And I didn’t want to publish something half-assed just for the sake of publishing. So I decided it’d be fun to start doing some interviews. The point of these interviews is to introduce you to some of the talented writers whom I’ve had the pleasure of meeting these past few months. (And by “meeting,” of course I mean virtually.) But I don’t want any humdrum interviews, so the questions I ask are completely whacky and off the wall. Some of the questions I’ve found online, and some I’ve made up. I hope you enjoy them! To see the other interviews in the series, please click here. 

This week, I interviewed Meredith over at From Meredith to Mommy. Meredith is a former music teacher and mother of two young girls. Meredith writes about transitioning from her former life to a mother and wife, shares reflections about her journey, and anecdotes from her life with her two little girls; the sweet ones, the silly ones, and the tough ones.

And here’s what she said . . .

1. A penguin walks through that door right now wearing a sombrero. What does he say and why is he here?

Ok…the last thing I remember was a boat ride…ok, seriously, what was in that punch?

2. If my family and I came to your house for dinner, what would you prepare for us?

Your entire family is coming? Crap. Did you RSVP? How much notice did you give me? Oh forget it. I’m going with my looks really impressive but actually took no preparation time at all fallback meal of ham, potatoes and secret recipe seasoned green beans. But if you gave me notice, I’ll make a lasagna. A really good one. I’m IBM (Italian By Marriage. Duh).

3. Pick two celebrities to be your parents.

I’m definitely NOT a celebrity person. I can’t even think. Robert De Niro and Meryl Streep. I could tell you why, but that violates my confidentiality agreement.

4. If you had to spend 3 weeks with alone with just one other person, who would you choose?

Hmmm…whoever it is has to be someone whom I’m prepared to lose from my life afterward, because three solid weeks with just ONE other person is a recipe for disaster.

5. Pillsbury Dough Boy vs. Chef Boyardee? Who wins?

Chef Boyardee. He’s got connections. You know…connections.

6. How many dolphins would it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. Jumping and turning in a perfect ballet of lightbulb-y goodness. Can you picture it?

7. If you had to sleep on either a feather bed or a water bed for the rest of your life, which would you pick?

Feather bed. Oh goodness, feather bed. Don’t even bring a water bed into this house.

8. If you were a celebrity, what would you name your baby?

Since I’m going to have to be judged for my choice by everyone in the world, I need to make sure it’s the perfect combination of bizarre (so you know, you talk about me) and meaningful. Because it’s always meaningful. You know, I’m actually going to steal the names from Sophie Kinsella’s Shopaholic book. Pomegranate for a girl, Armegeddon for a boy.

9. What news headline would best describe your life?

“Always on the Cusp”

10. Best costume at a costume party?

Slumber party guest. Comfy pjs. In public. Need I say more?

For more from Meredith, please check out her blog, From Meredith to Mommy, and her Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest pages. Thanks, Meredith!

The idea for my “That’s What She (or He) Said” Interview series was born one evening when I was extremely tired and had a(nother) slight case of writer’s block. I really wanted to publish something, but even though I had 6 or 7 posts in the works, nothing was quite ready to publish. And I didn’t want to publish something half-assed just for the sake of publishing. So I decided it’d be fun to start doing some interviews. The point of these interviews is to introduce you to some of the talented writers whom I’ve had the pleasure of meeting these past few months. (And by “meeting,” of course I mean virtually.) But I don’t want any humdrum interviews, so the questions I ask are completely whacky and off the wall. Some of the questions I’ve found online, and some I’ve made up. I hope you enjoy them! To see the other interviews in the series, please click here. 

What do you get when have a tired blogger with a(nother) slight case of writer’s block who really wants to publish something but even though she has 6 or 7 posts in the works nothing is quite ready to publish, and said blogger doesn’t want to publish something half-assed just for the sake of publishing? (Did I say “publish” enough there? Publish.) The birth of my new interview series, “That’s What She Said.” (Don’t worry fellas, if I have the occasion to interview a dude — and please know, I’d love to have the occasion to interview a dude — I will change the “she” to a “he”!)

The point of these interviews is to introduce you to some of the talented writers whom I’ve had the pleasure of meeting these past few months. (And by “meeting,” of course I mean virtually.) But I don’t want any humdrum interviews, so I went searching online for some out-of-the-ordinary interview questions, and boy did Google deliver.

My favorite questions came from the Huffington Post article “25 Bizarre Interview Questions From America’s Most Famous Companies.” (Although I have to admit that I’ve never heard of some of these most famous companies.) So for my first interview, I picked my 10 favorite questions from this article and went looking for people up for the challenge of answering them. Quickly. Because did I mention that all of this happened at 10 o’clock at night? Last night? Thankfully, I found a lot of people up to the challenge . . .

Up first is Molley from A Mother Life. Molley is a true blue Aussie living in Harlem, NYC. She arrived kicking and screaming behind her eccentric, entrepreneurial, ADD, OCD husband, herding her small children along the way. She writes at A Mother Life about her experiences navigating parenthood in a foreign country. She’s also a pet parent to Sir Lickalot, the brain-damaged, one-eyed rescue dog, and Sid Fishious, the giant, helium-filled clownfish. This year she’s reluctantly participating in a reality show about it all. Jealous yet?

And here’s what she said . . .

1. How many cows are in Canada? (from Google)

Ok that’s a very subjective question but I imagine all the Canadian cows are in Canada unless Canada has a large export concern then I guess some Canadian cows would be in places other than Canada…ok wait, I think I hurt myself…can I Google this?

2. A penguin walks through that door right now wearing a sombrero. What does he say and why is he here? (From Clark Construction Group)

Maybe I took a wrong turn…ooooh guacamole anyone!

3. What song best describes your work ethic? (from Dell)

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap…oh, wait that’s not very good is it? But see I’m cheap…bonus!

4. What do you think about when you are alone in your car? (from Gallup)

Well since I no longer have a car, thanks to my daughter wrapping it around a tree (it saves on parking), this is a question I will have to answer from previous experience. I remember thinking about whether my children would crash my car and would the insurance cover that? Yep…it does, see planning pays.

5. How would you rate your memory? (from Marriot)

Memory? Wait, what was the question? Hmmm probably not very good.

6. If [my family and I] came to your house for dinner, what would you prepare for us? (from Trader Joe’s)

Well that depends on who you are and how I feel…If I like you we’d probably grill something fabulous on the terrace and enjoy some cocktails…If I don’t really dig you that much, we’ll probably order in.

7. How would people communicate in a perfect world? (from Novell)

Telepathically, that way there’s no confusion or miscommunication…ha! See what I did there? No? HELLOOOO this is why we need telepathy! Sheesh.

8. Pick two celebrities to be your parents. (from Urban Outfitters)

Clint Eastwood and Helen Mirren, oh gosh, I hope they like each other…that would be awkward.

9. What kitchen utensil would you be? (from Bandwith.com)

Spatula, always a spatula.

10. How do you make a tuna sandwich? (from Astron Consulting)

Go to subway and order the tuna melt… did I mention I don’t cook much?

For more from Molley, please check out her blog, A Mother Life, and her Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest pages. Thanks, Molley!