We have two cats. And I used to hate cleaning their litter boxes. And then we had kids. Now I see just how good I have it with the litter boxes.
In no particular order:
- They don’t need their butts wiped.
- They don’t pee all over the toilet seat and leave it for you to sit in.
- They don’t run into the bathroom while you’re in there doing your business because they have to go so bad and can’t make it to one of the other unoccupied bathrooms that they actually passed on the way to the one you are currently using.
- They don’t consistently clog your toilet with toilet paper. Or Legos.
- They don’t wipe their paws on their butt and show it to you.
- They don’t ever ask you to come see what has just come out of their butts.
- They don’t pee or poop in the bathtub.
- They don’t use going to the bathroom as an excuse to keep getting out of bed.
- They don’t want to have a 30-minute conversation about their poop’s texture or color or smell while they’re pooping.
- They don’t need to be reminded to go to the bathroom all the time.
- They don’t need sticker charts or M&Ms to be enticed to do their business on the potty.
- They are not obsessed with using public restrooms.
- They don’t ever forget to poop the first time and then ask you to take them back to the bathroom 30 seconds later.
- They don’t wake you up in the middle of the night because they’ve fallen into the toilet.
- They don’t require you to buy 800 rolls of toilet paper every week.
- They don’t leave skid marks.
- They don’t have to be told all the time not to take food into the bathroom.
- They don’t accidentally drop things in the toilet while going to the bathroom.
- They don’t need the world around them to pause while they go to the bathroom.
- They don’t feel compelled to tell complete strangers about their poop.
Disclaimer: After getting some pretty funny and accurate rebuttals to this one, I figured I should mention that the kids in question here are preschoolers and toddlers, and the cats in question are not psychos. (Although I understand there is an argument to be made that all cats are psycho, lol.) Maybe the title of this post really should have been “20 Reasons MY Cats Have Superior Potty Skills Compared to MY Kids”?
May 30, 2013 at 8:05 am
I had a 3 year old and a new cat. I can agree with all of these.
May 30, 2013 at 9:37 am
Cats don’t get a handle on emptying their own liter box in 4 years. Cats are vindictive with their pee and will secretly pee wherever they know you don’t want them to if their box isn’t cleaned twice a day. Cats get as much perverse joy out of spreading litter around the house as kids do watching a whole roll of tp flush down a toilet. Kids don’t pee on everything when they hit puberty. Child urine can be effectively washed out of things they do pee on.
I think I have to disagree with your hypothesis.
May 30, 2013 at 9:53 am
Ha, ha, Nick. Touche. I guess I should have added a disclaimer that the “kids” in question are preschoolers and toddlers, and the “cats” in question are not psychos. (Although I think the more I learn about cats in general, the more I realize most cats probably are a bit psycho.) Thanks for your rebuttal! 🙂
May 30, 2013 at 11:00 am
I think I might have just had a bad experience with cats. With years of therapy though, I’m sure I’ll be able to get over it! I enjoyed your more positive look at thing as well!
May 30, 2013 at 3:18 pm
My husband had a cat who would wait ’til you walked into the room and then jump on the bed and piss right on it for you to witness. Unfortunately, I’ve heard of human kids getting vindictive as well…guess no one’s a winner.
May 30, 2013 at 3:54 pm
What the what? I think maybe I need to start asking for submissions for crazy cat stories. Also, ewwwwww.
May 30, 2013 at 3:53 pm
@Nick — thanks for the chuckle. Years of therapy just might help!
May 30, 2013 at 8:06 pm
Seriously. This post is so true. When my cat was a kitten, he had one accident – ONE – and then expertly mastered potty-training. I am about to enter potty-training land and fear all of these. Thanks for the funny post, stopping by from Honest Voices!
May 30, 2013 at 9:40 pm
Hi there! Thanks for stopping by! We just got my 3 yo potty trained, so we’re just coming out of our second tour. Good luck with your little one. 🙂
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June 11, 2013 at 2:20 pm
And now I must go change my yoga pants, I’m laughing so hard. And you know after kids, there’s no laughing without peeing! Thanks! I needed to get up and get some exercise anyway!
June 11, 2013 at 2:21 pm
Meaning that going downstairs and changing my yoga pants will totally count as exercise today.
June 11, 2013 at 2:32 pm
Ha, ha. You’re welcome — I like to do my part to get people peeing AND exercising. 🙂