Hello lovelies. Today brings us to our last guest post for the week from Joy at ComfyTown Chronicles. I fell in love with Joy at first read. She is terribly funny. I swear, I cannot read something she posts either on her blog or on her Facebook page without laughing. She probably thinks I’m stalking her based on the amount of time I spend liking stuff and commenting on her Facebook page. (Ok, maybe I am, just a little.) But seriously, I dare you to read anything she writes and not laugh. Really. I TRIPPLE DAWG DARE you.
I actually gave Joy an award back in March and had to come up with some questions for her to answer in a blog so that her readers could get to know her better. Here are a few of my favorites (CURSING WARNING):
Me: If you could marry a food, what would it be?
Joy: What, now FOOD can get married but two WOMEN cannot? Fuck you, America.
Me: Are you a tp folder or crinkler?
Joy: I don’t mess with teepees. Haven’t Native Americans been through enough?
Me: What is one thing you absolutely cannot leave your house without?
Joy: My babies. I’m pretty sure I read it’s like a law or at least a bad idea to leave them home alone or something.
Me: What is your favorite type of salad dressing?
And she provided this awesomesauce graphic:
Me: Can you do the robot? Well?
Joy: Can I move to music like I’m made of rigid metal and not even human? Yeah I can do that. Like a metal ass boss.
Ok, before I reach record status for the world’s longest guest post introduction, I give you . . .
Ted the Movie: Ted the Experience
by Joy, ComfyTown Chronicles
I started to watch the movie “Ted,” I posted on Facebook it was because my teenage son had rented it and left it in the DVD player. But deep down I just wanted to see if Seth McFarlane could take his brand of comedy, add swearing, and literally anything he wanted with the *m*a*g*i*c* of MOVIES, and make something I would find funny. He was funny during a roast, and in interviews, he might actually make a funny movie. If you’re a fan, don’t worry, it is NOT you. I am one of five assholes in America who don’t find him funny. I almost find him funnier than Adam goddamn Sandler (old SNL songs save him), but that’s a rant of another color. Yes, it is ME.
Movie. So this movie was a great idea, and had some great moments. Let me just say that. I sat through a good maybe 15 minutes of Ted before I got bored and started googling reviews (it’s what I do when I’m bored with a movie). None of the reviews made me lose my water, but I did find out that it’s not JUST me. TWO other people didn’t care for the movie. Most of the reviews confirmed that people for the most part, find this brand of stoner humor, heeee-larious. Like Family Guy.
It has its place in the world, don’t get me wrong. I LONG to laugh at the stupidity of it. Isn’t that why we watch TV? To turn our minds off and just be entertained? My problem is, I assume I am GOING to be entertained. But I don’t fry my brain on narcotics first, that is clearly my mistake. Isn’t doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results the definition of insanity? Fucking guilty.
I give it the ole try, but within 10 minutes of Family Guy, I mentally check myself into the Overlook Hotel, with a million monkeys typing on a million typewriters: “I am Jack’s Complete Lack of Surprise” over and over and over until the lady that played Olive Oil comes in and I need to find my good stabbing knife.
People have screamed, “It’s so great. Give it another chance” they said. “Maybe you were in a bad mood.” I’ve tried and tried. Believe me, offended by their pushing the edge of the envelope, I am NOT. That’s the ONLY part I like about it. A sarcastic baby, that’s funny. Then he tells the SAME jokes over and over. Quagmire? Who doesn’t love a pervert? These jokes SHOULD be better than when LARRY GODDAMN DALLAS did all this SAME SHIT in Three’s Company. They’re way more perverted and disgusting this time around. The first time I saw the show it WAS funny. I may have laughed out loud.
But then there they are again. And again, the SAME jokes. And OH, there it is again. Same joke. Hey I know this joke, it’s the SAME joke as last time. Hi same joke, how are you? How are the wife and kids? Same? Yeah I know. You think they might think of a new way to be sarcastic, same. NEW pervert humor? SAME. A new way to torture his mother….SAME. Sarcasm can be different, right? No SAME. But maybe—-SAME. SAME. SAME. SAME. SAME. SAA-A-A-A-that-bastard-can-really-drag-out-a-mediocre-chuckle-A-A-A-A-AAAAAME.
If I went on like ^THAT^ for another half an hour? You MIGHT know how I feel watching Family Guy. I want to punch myself in the FACE *hard* every time I watch it. Then Seth McFarlane. Then myself again. Then him AGAIN and then slooooowly……almost gently…..methodically REPEAT this for at least TWENTY MINUTES so he gets how long, mundane and BOOORING his show IS TO ME! AAAHHHH!!!! STOP WATCHING IT, JOY! It NEVER gets better! Sorry. I’m sorry. I’ll get control back from Sam Kinnison.
Anyway, back to Ted. Once I had finished checking my email, making some notes to myself, and reading literally ALL TEN PAGES of reviews on Ted on rottentomatoes.com, just so I had something else to focus on, I knew the self punching was about to kick in. I could NOT sit there, pretending to ignore it. ALL of my kids were either sleeping or otherwise detained, did I really want to spend this PRECIOUS time trying not to pull the muscles involved in eye rolling? I literally got UP, went into my basement and began wrestling my treadmill out of the laundry room, to put it back. We moved it for a family party, and it needed to go back.
To put it back, I needed to move several laundry baskets, throw rugs, take down a folding table and six folding chairs, move our basement dining table and chairs, basically rearrange the basement room and push, pull and at times SHOVE my old treadmill out of one room, down a looong narrow hallway, and through another narrow door, banging my hands 10 times along the way. (Shouldn’t MOVING a treadmill burn more calories? I mean, the swearing alone got my heart rate up.) Anyway, all that just to then work out. And THAT? Was sooo much better than watching that damn movie. Maybe the last half got better? I dunno. It’s not worth kicking my own ass to find out.
That concludes my review of this movie. It was an overall great experience for me and my home.
Thank you for the motivation to get up and be productive again after the holidays, Seth McFarlane, movie maker, motivator, life coach.
Seth McFarlane, you’re my hero.
(Ferris Bueller reference. It needed just ONE more vague movie reference, don’t ya think? I thought so.)
I laughed more watching potty training videos with my toddler:
I hope the fact that I laughed my way through Ted doesn’t affect our friendship, Joy! Thanks so much for stopping by. If you want a little more Joy in your life, be sure to check out her blog and her Facebook page. Just make sure to take her anything scifi or fantasy related. She loves that stuff. She’s a geek. And she knows it. Oh, and if you feel the need to bake her some goodies (she loves food), just make sure it doesn’t include any honey or cinnamon; she hates that stuff. Weirdo.